unemployment

This is an admission and an acknowledgment (especially to myself). I am unemployed and often drifting without direction. Unemployment has truthfully infected me since I graduated in 2012. I must say that it may have begun even before graduation. Attaining a degree in something so broad with vague career direction has actually inhibited me from moving forward. Looking back I would have chosen an education path that led me into a specific specialization to excel in. Education has always been incredibly inspiring to me. I worked diligently and found satisfaction in compiling that 20 page paper and participating in classroom conversation.
I was recently reminded that in the past, I actually spoke Spanish fluently. (What? My tongue surely doesn't remember such a time.) I loved being able to learn another language and being able to accurately understand a different rich culture. Unfortunately difficult experiences abroad instilled some kind of fear in me and I instinctively built a wall in my heart.
Somehow the only work experience I have built has been exclusively in retail. This was never in my plan. Am I now only restricted to this field even though I desire so much more?

Oh, the lies that keep me crouching down so low! "You don't have any special gifts otherwise you would have discovered them by now. You don't have an identity because our world defines people by what job they have. This will never end. It's all your fault. Everyone is judging me. You are not good enough at anything...etc."

STOP.

My identity does not lie in anything I do. Who cares about what other people think? This is my journey. I feel a passion in my heart that I cannot describe. This passion usually exceeds my understanding and I have no idea how it will be used, but it has to be there for something. My husband and I will be provided for. We will be content. I will be patient.

Darling magazine posted an article on surviving unemployment. Most of it speaks of networking and taking time to discover more of who you are. Deep breaths and prayers reset my mind. I desire connections and inspirations. I continue to ask questions and state my thoughts to keep my mind active:

• You love school...get a Masters! (but in what field?)
• Open your heart to Spanish again; do not choke a gift.
• Make connections with people you admire and start asking questions about their journeys.
• Do not be afraid to start small.
• Under no circumstances let your feelings of inadequacy inhibit you from exploration.
• Humble yourself and ask for help.
• Teach yourself something new.
• Stop and smell those roses.

I deeply desire to make a difference and be continually moved by the human soul. I believe my taste has the ability to inspire and make sense of things. I am not afraid to learn. I am willing. I am seeking.

Who? What? Where? When? How?